Therapy

In the past couple of months I have decided that this parenting thing isn't easy. Yeah Quinn is a pretty easy going baby most of the time, but the fact is, that sometimes he is just plain irritable. He cries, I make a bottle for him, he doesn't want it, I change his diaper, that doesn't make him happy, I try to snuggle him to sleep, he goes stiff as a board and starts crying....what is a mom to do in this situation? Most of the time I say "okay then, you can go in your swing" or "play on the floor then" but inside I am upset. I am upset that I don't know what is wrong with him, I am upset that I can't make him happy, I am upset that I am so damned tired that I can't think straight, I am upset that I am upset at him for being upset....did you follow me there? My newest thing to be upset about is the fact that he doesn't want to eat food for me, I have tried everything, (except for most fruits) and he just doesn't seem to want to eat food. It is not that he doesn't like it per say, if I can get it in his mouth than he will eat it, but the fact is, the child will not open his mouth! I told him over the weekend that it was okay, that he could continue to live on formula until he was in college for all I cared, except that he may care when he can't get a girl friend because of it.

There are times that I question if right now was the right time to have him, and then I look at him and he laughs, or does something for the first time and I can't imagine life without him.

There are 2 things that I think he will accomplish in the next couple of weeks:
1. He is going to start crawling, I am surprised that right now he is moving as fast as he does just wiggling around on the floor.
2. He is going to get his first tooth!

The holidays went pretty well, Quinn got lots of presents (thanks everyone!) and we got to enjoy watching him open & eat the wrapping paper on his first gifts. I almost forgot to take pictures (thanks Herb for reminding me). We do wish that we were able to go north for the holiday's but there is something nice about doing your own thing!

Hopeful

Do you know what I love the most about this time of the year??? Watching Christmas movies, I like them all...the Corny, the sappy, the hilariously funny...you get the idea. On Sunday Herb, Quinn and I watched Christmas With The Kranks, I tell ya, that Tim Allen is a funny guy, (spoiler alert!) my favorite part of that movie is when he gets botox injections in his face...I laugh so hard every time I see that! Quinn was laughing at me cause I was laughing so hard. Herb asked how I could find it that funny every year, but I forget most of the year that I watched it even, so it is still a surprise for me when we watch it again.


I was thinking this morning on my way to work about this coming summer, I am really, really looking forward to it. Quinn will be able to go out on the boat with us, I will be able to wear a bathing suit without looking like a whale (hopefully anyway, maybe if I start running this could be accomplished, yikes!), and it should just be more fun than last year. Not that giving birth and all that wasn't fun...


I was looking back at photo's of the Quinn man and can't seem to wrap my head around how quickly he changed...when he was first born he had kind of an alien oblong head, now it is more rounded, he used to look like a little old man, now he actually looks more like a baby. You get the point. Here is a picture of then and now. He was almost kind of weird looking when he was born, maybe I shouldn't put that on here, in case when he is older he reads this and thinks that I don't love him. Quinn, if you ever read this, I love you very much, and even though I just called you weird looking when you were born, I think you are the cutest man child ever! I was just remarking on how much you developed in just 5 long, I mean short months.

Growing up.

I need to start running, I need to get back into somewhat decent shape. I am tired of being, well tired. I have been considering when I am going to be doing this so called running, and have come to the conclusion that it will have to be in the morning, that I will have to get up earlier than I already do, and go for a run....who knows, maybe getting up that early won't actually kill me like I think it will, maybe it will wake me up better, and make me feel better. Do I want to take that chance? Well only time will tell if I am actually able to make that committment. It is very difficult for me right now to make it to work on time, there just seems to be so many things to do in the morning before I leave, I have to get everyone fed, and diapers changed, and into clothes that aren't considered pjs. Now I have to make sure my (stray, but not so stray) kitty who's pelvis got broken is doing okay and is near his food so that he can continue to eat.

This has been a physically and emotionally draining year this year, and I am relieved and excited to see what the new year brings. I have been thinking about inviting one of our neighbors over for new years eve, since we don't do the go to the bar thing anymore. They have a 4-5 month old daughter that I think she and Quinn would have fun playing together...at that age do they really play together?? I don't know.

We got family photos done a couple of weekends ago, that was a bit of a fiasco, there were a ton of people there, and we were late for our appointment so they actually had marked us as a no show, but they were good and were able to sneak us in only about 10 minutes after we got there. Good thing that I brought food for Quinn though, cause he started having a meltdown about half way through. Not so good for the photos, but we were able to feed him enough to get him to calm down for at least a few minutes.

This picture is one of my favorites...they both look so good in it, I had such a hard time choosing which one we liked....and before anyone gets on my back about sending them photos, we have already thought about that and you may possibly be getting some, but I am not telling you for sure, so don't even try to get it out of me.

The Love of My Life

I feel that sometimes we take things for granted in our lives, the people, the circumstances, the money...you get the idea. I want to be able to tell people how much I appreciate them, starting with my husband (If you feel that this may make you want to throw up a little, I would stop reading here).

Herb: I know that someday you will read this, and I want you to know, that I appreciate everything you do for our family. It is partially because we do not hold traditional roles in our family that causes you stress. I know that working those long retail days only to have to come home and cook dinner is not want you want to do, but you do it, without complaints (most of the time :)). I joke around about changing diapers, however, I do not want anyone to get the wrong impression and think that you are not a good father. I know the truth, the way that Quinn looks at you when you are playing with him, he knows you are the best daddy out there, and really that is all that matters. The holiday season is always the hardest for us since it means long hours for you, but as always we will pull through and will be stronger for it. I know you are only working as hard as you do because you love your family and you want to provide the best for us. We do appreciate it even if we don't show it all of the time. When I talk about you to co-workers I am pretty sure they want to bash my head in, since it seems like we have something perfect going here....it's not perfect, but what we have is great, and I feel lucky to have found you. Thank you for being my best friend, my confidant, and husband. I wouldn't want it any other way.

P.S. Don't be mad at me for putting this picture of you on here, I love it!

Day Care Woes

To tell you the truth I am easily irritated by the amount of money it costs to put your child in day care. We have to work to make enough money to have a child, but to go to work you have to pay tons of money to day care. Don't get me wrong, I think the day care that Quinn is at is very good. I like the teachers, he seems to like the teachers, and it seems like they are doing a fantastic job with him. The reason that I even bring this up today is that sadly my day care is closing on December 12th....forcing all parents that go there to look for alternative day care for their children. I feel as if I am almost in a competition to find a spot for my child before someone else takes it. Do you know how often spots are open for infants at day care??? Do you? Let me enlighten you, not very often. The day care closest to my house has a waiting list through 2009...and that was back in October that I checked, so I imagine it is through 2010 already! I thought I was lucky when I called La Petite and they said they had an opening. I gave my deposit that day so as to not loose our spot. Apparently I have a day care curse. It is frustrating, I am frustrated, and tired of dealing with this stuff. I want things to work out the way that I expect them to. Who wouldn't want to keep a baby as cute as my Quinn? I know that it doesn't have anything to do with Quinn per say, but he is so good, a breeze even to take care of, unless he is hungry, then he can become a bear.

Sometimes being a mom is really hard. We have to deal with a lot of things..the guilt of not being able to stay home and take care of our child, the worry that something is going to happen to them while they are in someone elses care, the worry that they are going to think that someone else loves them more than I do, the stress of thinking that who you chose to take care of them will not be there forever, and just plain fear. There are other things that I think about though. Once you do find a place that you like (like the one that we have now) you realize the amount of development they are getting. They get to play with the other kids and socialize, I mean Quinn doesn't really socialize per say, but someday he will and this experience will be worth while. It also shows him that other people are good, and maybe that will prevent him from being too shy. Shyness can be debilitating and stressful on the person that suffers from it. I hope that Quinn doesn't have to worry about things like that, that he will be outgoing and meet as many people as he can...

I guess I didn't think that finding a new day care would be this hard on me emotionally..I know that it has officially ruined my day, but it is more than that. I am sad that Quinn is going to loose the bond that he has with his "ladies", and sad that I will loose the bond that I have with his "ladies", they love him, and that makes me love them. The closing of the day care is just as bad for them (if not worse) than it is for us, they are loosing their jobs, in a time when the economy is in peril, they must be terrified!

I will keep my fingers crossed that we will be able to find a day care that will be as great for Quinn as this one has been, and that all of the ladies that work there will be able to find jobs again.

The search must go on! To all that are looking for affordable, reliable day care, I feel your pain!

The Excitement Never Ends!!

This weekend will definitely be one to remember! My baby boy.....rolled over! He only rolled from his back to belly, but it is a start. I am sure that soon he will be able to roll back to his back. It is the beginning of the end of immobility. I tried many times to get a video of him doing it, but this is as close as I could get:

We also tried starting solid foods, which didn't go over as well as I planned, in fact it didn't go over at all. I put some in his mouth, it came back out, I put some in his mouth, it came back out...etc....Not to mention the face he was making while doing this. I will attempt it again in a couple of weeks, but for now my baby is still a liquid only baby.

Herb and I went out on a "date" Friday afternoon, since I get out early (3pm) on Fridays we were able to have Quinn stay at day care an extra hour or so and go get ice cream at Marble Slab....mmmmm....I would give my left arm for that ice cream! Talk about yummy! It was nice just spending time with Herb, although I felt lost almost since I didn't have Quinn with me when I was outside of work.

Around this time of the year I always get this sense of dread, like I don't have any control over how things change, and they are changing so fast! There are so many things that I want to accomplish even just on the day to day level, and I feel that they will never get done. I appreciate the ability to spend time with Herb and Quinn and I guess that is really all that matters in the end. Laundry, dusting, making the bed, learning a new language, will have to wait for another day (I don't really want to learn a new language) when I am not basking in the moments with my family.

Holidays Make Me Crazy!

Our neighborhood had an event at the pool this weekend since it was Halloween, they had a table full of food, a parking lot full of dressed up kids and parents, and several trailers with hay on them for the hay rides. I thought it had a terrific turn out, we didn't go to the one last year, mostly because we didn't know anyone, and because we didn't have a kid to dress up. I suspect that if we had attended last years function we would have gotten to know people faster, but too late to turn back now.....The good thing this year was that we got to see our neighbors and their kids all dressed up, and we got to meet some new ones. There is a younger couple that has a 4 month old daughter (she is so darn tiny) that lives on the street behind us. I am hoping that we will be able to get together at some point and have a play date with the kiddies...I think that would be fun for all involved. Quinn seemed to enjoy himself, as did I. Herb was in charge of taking pictures, he did an awesome job recording Quinn's first Halloween. All in all it went well, Quinn didn't get mad for being put in a ridiculously cute costume and it was semi-warm. There is one thing that Herb and I have to work on, and that is getting the candy situation under control....last year we bought way too much candy and ended up eating the rest of it, which did nothing but help with gaining the appropriate amount of holiday weight. This year we didn't buy enough apparently (or I give it out way too generously) and we ran out before all of the kids got to stop by, so we ended up being one of the people with the porch lights out, trying to be as quiet as possible to keep the kids from suspecting that we were actually home. The cats ended up being a huge hit with the kids though, we kept our inside door open most of the night and just had the glass storm door open, so the cats watched all of the kids come and go, if you look at the picture to the side you can just make out their eyes.












By the end of the night though I had lost it and I thought I was super woman! Actually though I was trying to make Quinn laugh at me, see I told you I would do anything to hear him laugh. He didn't think I was that funny at the time though, and didn't end up laughing at me.










So we put up our Christmas tree on Saturday and decorated the inside of the house. It turned out pretty well, Herb got a little chilled while looking for decorations though and had to put his hat on to keep warm (what this picture doesn't show though is that he is wearing shorts :)). In fact as soon as he realizes that I have put this picture up on here he will probably stop speaking to me....I guess I could use a little quiet time anyway (just kidding honey!). There is one thing that I always do when we start decorating for Christmas and that is put a "Santa's little helper" shirt on the cats, I know it is a little evil, but let me tell you, I get a kick out of it! This year I chose Bandit, and there was no real reason, except maybe that I don't think "little girl" would actually fit into the shirt. Once I got the shirt on him he took off like something was biting him in the butt!! I tried taking several photos, but this is the only one that wasn't blurry, and it was taken right after I put the shirt on, so he didn't have a chance to get going yet. I have never seen a cat react this way to the shirt (Sprout & Squirt just laid down and refused to get back up until we took it off).....I finally felt really guilty and took it off....the poor cat I think has a complex now. I tried to sooth him with treats and kisses, but truthfully I think he is going to try to smother me in my sleep for the humiliation of wearing the shirt. He did calm back down after I let him attack the shirt :).




To get in the mood for Christmas decorating and wrapping presents we watched "White Christmas" and drank hot chocolate, it was still a little hard to be totally in the mood since it was in the 70's outside.

I still doesn't seem the same (Christmas that is) because we aren't spending it with extended family, but I think this year will be better than last. Last year it was more of going through the motions. I can't wait for Quinn to really start enjoying these holidays, that will make it more fun for us as well.

A Trip Back In Time....Then To The Present

I would like to start by telling you how this all came about. My parents were successful in raising three awesome children, myself, Kate & Dan. I can positively say that we have all made our mistakes, but we are in general very good people. Growing up was fun, sometimes it was hard, but the good definitely out weighed the bad. When it came time to leave the nest (as all kids do) I almost felt that I wanted to stay, it was very scary for me even though I was moving in with my brother. I almost felt that if I moved out I would loose the closeness I had with my parents, but thankfully that hasn't happened yet, and I will try my hardest to prevent that from happening. Anyway getting back on track, I moved out, I grew up, I dated guys. Then one day I met my lobster, or should I say the one posing with the lobster. He makes me happy. He understands me. He listens to me. He is my husband. He is my best friend.



After dating for a few years, we moved to New Hampshire. It wasn't too far away from our families and friends, but far enough away that we felt on our own. We began to officially start our lives together. We got married in New York, close to our families and had the best wedding ever. I would do it over again in a heart beat! Fast forward a bit, due to a few set backs and a few great opportunities we grabbed up our things and moved to South Carolina and bought our first house! We decided the timing was right and we started trying for a baby....9 months later, the second love of my life appeared. Quinn Braydon Agnew, or QB (Quarterback) if you will. Born 6 lbs 13 oz on July 12, 2008. He was good to me from the start. I had decided right from the beginning of my pregnancy that I was going to work right through to the day that I went into labor. Apparently Quinn agreed with my decision. Friday July 11 I had my final doctor's appointment, they decided to try to help me start labor - after they did their thing they told me I could go into labor within 12 hours but it was not a definite thing. I left work as normal at 3pm and went home to see Herb, apparently he had something up his sleeve and asked me to go look at the Nissan Titans with him. 6 hours later, we owned a new truck, so we treated ourselves to dinner. Our neighbors happened to be in the area and accompanied us to Macaroni Grill where we stayed until 11:00pm. By the time that we got home, Herb's parents had arrived for the pending birth, they were exhausted, we were exhausted, so we all went to bed (separately of course). 5:30am - Quinn decides to start his journey. I wake Herb up, tell him I think it is time & that I was going to go downstairs to time my contractions, I said that maybe he should get up and take a shower. After I timed my contractions, had my breakfast, and called my doctor to confirm that it was time to head to the hospital, I headed back upstairs to see what Herb was doing.....still sleeping! I wake him up and told him that I had gotten the confirmation from the doctor that it was time to go and that he should take his shower so we could head out. Apparently I was acting way too cool at this point so he decided that he was going to go out, have a cigarette, water his garden, and tell our neighbor that I was in labor. Luckily I am nice, and luckily for me we were on our way by 9:00am. All this time at home did prevent me from being in the hospital for too long though, so I can't complain. By 3:30pm that afternoon Quinn made his appearance! His first trick was to try to pee on all of the nurses and equipment, go Quinn!!!



Almost 4 months has gone by since then, I have returned to work, Quinn goes to daycare, and our lives go on. He is growing up too fast. Today is his first Halloween, he is going to be a horse. It makes me want to hold on to him and never let go, he is just too darn cute!

I want to freeze time right now so that he can't get any older and he will always need me. I am already feeling the fight of independence as he is trying to feed himself, and trying to sit up by himself. It makes me sad even though I am proud that he is doing so well. I laugh at him too because you can tell how hard he is trying and sometimes it is just comical.

I would do anything to make this kid laugh...it is such an awesome sound! I am proud to be a mom, it isn't easy most of the time....I feel like I never have any time - time to spend with him - time to spend with Herb - time to spend by my self - time to do laundry - time to vacuum - time to sleep. I know that Herb feels the same way, by the time we get home from work it is barely enough time to make dinner, eat, clean-up, then go to bed. Thankfully Herb makes the dinner & picks up while I get Quinn ready for bed and spend time with him....I don't want him to grow up thinking those ladies in daycare love him more than me...especially since that would be impossible. I have come to cherish weekends - I almost hate leaving the house, I just want to lock the doors and spend time with my family...that is what we are planning for Saturday anyway.....we are going to put up our Christmas tree!!! I know, I know, it is super early! The Agnew's are on retail time people! We bend the rules, we skip the holidays that don't warrant decorations (ex. Thanksgiving) and go for the gold! or at least the tinsel :) With that in mind, I will finish this blog with this last thought: Always hold close the people you love.